Sunday, August 15, 2010

Dateline: Mid-July , Central Alabma


Like I mentioned in a previous post, I like to sit at the bar while dining on the road. This trip to a local Chilis was no exception. I made my way in, a UFC fight was on TV and they were running a draft beer special...shaping up to be a solid night. That is until the bartender came sauntering around the corner to greet me. First and foremost, he was wearing eyeliner. Secondly, he wore the exact same pair of jeans my wife had on Friday night. A different cat to be sure. Regardless of that, he was doing a relatively good job and pretty much left me alone. Speaking of cats- a couple of cougars walked in an settled in down the bar from me. Seems as if these women also happened to be hairdressers. Within five minutes, the bartender and his harem of hairdressers were yucking it up at the end of the bar exchanging highlighting tips and what not. As the conversation continued and the women continued to get drunker, people started staring and whispering. At this point the bartender turns around to the entire bar and yells, " I know what y'all are thinking. But I am not gay. I sleep with plenty of women." Sure, pal. Whatever you say...I'm not here to judge. Then one of the women tells him he happens to look a lot like Bret Michaels and truth be told I could see the resemblance. That's when the bartender started thumbing through a photo album he had compiled over the last two years as a Bret Michaels impersonator. Picture upon picture of this cat dressed like the former lead singer of Poison. There he was in all his Bret Michael-esque glory...blonde wig, bandanna to cover male pattern baldness, cowboy hat, Ed Hardy shirt and rhinestone jeans. He proceeds to tell the entire bar how he travels the country while Bret's on tour doing impersonations of him outside of his shows. Well, buddy you may or may not be a homosexual, but you are for certain the strangest person I've ever met in my entire life.

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